It seemed like the longest hall I had ever walked.  The walls were dull grayish blocks with glass and a tile floor.   We reached the end of the hall where the door opens automatically.  My heart pounding in my chest as I hold back the tears.  I was angry, but hurt and a loss for words.  I wanted to show kindness for sure but had questions also.  So many questions.

We reached our destination which was a green cubical with a glass window and phone.  I forgot about the questions when I saw his face.  I picked up the phone to speak to our firstborn son as he cried with shame.  Instead of asking “Why” I asked, “How are you? and What is next?”  After talking for a while and reassuring him that we loved him always, we pressed our hands on the glass to touch his as we prayed.  We said our goodbyes and walked back down that long hall to get out of the building.  So we wait.

Have you ever been at this place before?  I was reminded of the day our son was dedicated to God and how my husband and I affirmed to protect, provide, and take care of him before God and witnesses, and how it meant more than just the infant in my arms.  The infant was easy.  The adult, not so easy.  I had a panoramic view in my mind of the moment I said, “yes,” that I would raise him in Gods house, teach him the word so he could love the Lord God with all his heart.  WOW!

I never imagined how the pain in this action could totally wipe me out.  That’s when I knew I had to stand, be still and allow God to lead.  Yeah, sure, I was in no shape to lead at this point but I realized God was in control and had been all this time.  Now I must trust Him for the outcome.  He promised so I trusted and waited.  As Denzel Washington has said, “When you pray for rain, you have to deal with the mud.”  You think you’ve sought God in the fullest, and then there is a waiting period.

Brokenness is for a season.  Life can’t always be broken, it changes, it always does.  I was aware that I had to continue to seek God with all my heart, trust Him although I could not see.  This was my waiting period and it would be alright if I kept my eyes upon Jesus. As David declares in Psalm 62:6-8 “He only is my rock and my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength and my refuge is in God.  Trust in him at all times you people; God is a refuge for us.”  Even David realized that God was his refuge but sometimes we carry on in silence.  But don’t stop waiting. Remember, things happen when you trust and WAIT.

 

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